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A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been
named "Governmentium." Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 deputy neutrons, 75
assistant neutrons, and 224 deputy assistant neutrons, giving it an atomic
mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no protons or electrons, it is inert. However, it
can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes a reaction to take 4 days
to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years. It does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass
will actually increase over time since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to
believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain
quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to
as "Critical Morass." When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes
Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as
Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons...
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heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been
named "Governmentium." Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 deputy neutrons, 75
assistant neutrons, and 224 deputy assistant neutrons, giving it an atomic
mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no protons or electrons, it is inert. However, it
can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes a reaction to take 4 days
to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years. It does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass
will actually increase over time since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to
believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain
quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to
as "Critical Morass." When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes
Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as
Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons...
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