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101 reasons why..

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  • #16
    Re: 101 reasons why..

    To keep you from falling on your a** when you become an old geezer prematurely.

    You're a carver, they are a walking advertizment to your skills.....or lack of them!!

    Who needs a reason, they just look really cool when carved. Goody, I like your/Ashby's explanations though best!

    Before they slip me over the standing part of the fore sheet, let them pipe: "Up Spirits" one more time.


    • #17
      Re: 101 reasons why..


      Perhaps a more valuable treatise would be what not to use a walking stick for.
      Mistakes I have made with walking sticks include (but are not limited to);

      Checking large wasp nests for occupants by poking at them, ranks near the top of my list.

      Giving a group of ruffians what for; and then not being able to outrun them.

      Checking the thickness of lake ice while standing on said ice.

      Throwing your stick at a mountain lion who is just standing there minding his own business.

      I could go on and on, but the memories are too painful to bear.

      That reminds me, never poke a bear to see if it is still alive.


      • #18
        Re: 101 reasons why..

        Hmmm... I would have thought all males of Ricks age bracket would have learned the lesson well as a youngster about poking wild animals! You mean you never listened to Stanley Holloway reciting the ode about Albert and his stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle.

        Guess it's time to remind again.
        Hope no one minds it is long.

        There's a famous seaside town called Blackpool,
        That's noted for fresh air and fun,
        And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
        Went there with young Albert, their son.

        A grand little lad was young Albert
        All dressed in his best; quite a swell
        With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle
        The finest that Woolworth's could sell.

        They didn't think much to the Ocean
        The waves, they were fiddlin' and small
        There was no wrecks and nobody drownded
        Fact, nothing to laugh at, at all.
        So, seeking for further amusement
        They paid and went to the zoo
        Where they'd lions and tigers and camels
        And old ale and sandwiches too.

        There were one great big lion called Wallace
        His nose were all covered with scars
        He lay in a somnolent posture
        With the side of his face on the bars.

        Now Albert had heard about lions
        How they was ferocious and wild
        To see Wallace lying so peaceful
        Well, it didn't seem right to the child.

        So straight 'way the brave little feller
        Not showing a morsel of fear
        Took his stick with its 'orse's 'ead 'andle
        And shoved it in Wallace's ear.
        You could see the lion didn't like it
        For giving a kind of a roll
        He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im
        And swallowed the little lad 'ole

        Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence
        And didn't know what to do next
        Said "Mother! Yon lions 'et Albert"
        And Mother said "Well, I am vexed!"

        Then Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
        Quite rightly, when all's said and done
        Complained to the Animal Keeper
        That the lion had eaten their son.

        The keeper was quite nice about it
        He said "What a nasty mishap
        Are you sure it's your boy he's eaten?"
        Pa said "Am I sure? There's his cap!"
        The manager had to be sent for
        He came and he said "What's to do?"
        Pa said "Yon lion's 'et Albert
        And 'im in his Sunday clothes, too."

        Then Mother said, "Right's right, young feller
        I think it's a shame and a sin
        For a lion to go and eat Albert
        And after we've paid to come in."

        The manager wanted no trouble
        He took out his purse right away
        Saying "How much to settle the matter?"
        And Pa said "What do you usually pay?"

        But Mother had turned a bit awkward
        When she thought where her Albert had gone
        She said "No! someone's got to be summonsed"
        So that was decided upon.
        Then off they went to the Police Station
        In front of the Magistrate chap
        They told 'im what happened to Albert
        And proved it by showing his cap.

        The Magistrate gave his opinion
        That no one was really to blame
        And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
        Would have further sons to their name.

        At that Mother got proper blazing
        "And thank you, sir, kindly," said she
        "What waste all our lives raising children
        To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"

        BTW there is a happy ending to this saga if anyone wants me to post it. Smile




        • #19
          Re: 101 reasons why..

          Her's one that hasen't been posted. 10 minutes ago my wife changed the diaper of the neighbors little girl, and handed the dirty one to me to get rid of. Well at that precise moment I was buffing a stick I had just finished. That stick helped me transport that stinky - foul smelling diaper outside to the garbage can. At least I remained 55 inches away from it. Tom H


          • #20
            Re: 101 reasons why..

            It, Gord!


            • #21
              Re: 101 reasons why..

              I can't takes no more!

              The Return of Albert
              You've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom,
              In the Zoo up at Blackpool one year,
              With a stick and 'orse's 'ead 'andle,
              Gave a lion a poke in the ear.

              The name of the lion was Wallace,
              The poke in the ear made 'im wild;
              And before you could say 'Bob's your Uncle,'
              'E'd up and 'e'd swallered the child.

              'E were sorry the moment 'e'd done it,
              With children 'e'd always been chums,
              And besides, 'e'd no teeth in 'is noodle,
              And 'e couldn't chew Albert on t'gums.

              'E could feel the lad moving inside 'im,
              As 'e lay on 'is bed of dried ferns,
              And it might 'ave been little lad's birthday,
              'E wished 'im such 'appy returns.

              But Albert kept kicking and fighting,
              Till Wallace arose feeling bad,
              And felt it were time that 'e started to stage
              A come-back for the lad.

              So with 'is 'ead down in a corner,
              On 'is front paws 'e started to walk,
              And 'e coughed and 'e sneezed and 'e gargled,
              Till Albert shot out like a cork.

              Old Wallace felt better direc'ly,
              And 'is figure once more became lean,
              But the only difference with Albert
              Was 'is face and 'is 'ands were quite clean.

              Meanwhile Mister and Missus Ramsbottom
              'Ad gone 'ome to tea feeling blue;
              Ma says 'I feel down in the mouth like,'
              Pa says "Aye! I bet Albert does too.'

              Said Ma 'It just goes for to show yer
              That the future is never revealed,
              If I thought we was going to lose 'im
              I'd 'ave not 'ad 'is boots soled and 'eeled.

              'Let's look on the bright side,' said Father
              'What can't be 'elped must be endured,
              Every cloud 'as a silvery lining,
              And we did 'ave young Albert insured.'

              A knock at the door came that moment,
              As Father these kind words did speak,
              'Twas the man from t'Prudential,
              E'd called for their 'tuppence per person per week.'

              When Father saw who 'ad been knocking,
              'E laughed and 'e kept laughing so,
              That the young man said 'What's there to laugh at?'
              Pa said 'You'll laugh an' all when you know.'

              'Excuse 'im for laughing,' said Mother,
              'But really things 'appen so strange,
              Our Albert's been ate by a lion,
              You've got to pay us for a change.'

              Said the young feller from the Prudential,
              'Now, come come, let's understand this,
              You don't mean to say that you've lost 'im?'
              Ma says 'Oh, no! we know where 'e is.'

              When the young man 'ad 'eard all the details,
              A bag from 'is pocket he drew,
              And he paid them with interest and bonus,
              The sum of nine pounds four and two.

              Pa 'ad scarce got 'is 'and on the money,
              When a face at the window they see,
              And Mother says 'Eeh! look, it's Albert,'
              And Father says 'Aye, it would be.'

              Young Albert came in all excited,
              and started 'is story to give,
              And Pa says 'I'll never trust lions again,
              Not as long as I live.'

              The young feller from the Prudential
              To pick up his money began,
              And Father says 'Eeh! just a moment,
              Don't be in a hurry, young man.'

              Then giving young Albert a shilling,
              He said 'Pop off back to the Zoo.
              'Ere's your stick with the 'orse's 'ead 'andle,
              Go and see what the Tigers can do!'

              Marriott Edgar


              • #22
                Re: 101 reasons why..

                'E right on Rick.Thumbs Up




                • #23
                  Re: 101 reasons why..

                  How about for steadying a camera? Or pretending you know how to twirl ... until you hurt yourself? Or for tipping your hat, or pulling a bad act off the stage before the tomatoes mess the place up! Or to hold your hat above the log when someone's trying to shoot you? (That one was my Wife, Paula's!)


                  • #24
                    Re: 101 reasons why..

                    Oh! As a pointer for an Auctioneer! How could I have missed that one!?! I'm an Auctioneer, those of you who don't already know!


                    • #25
                      Re: 101 reasons why..

                      LOL...that story was a fun read! Thanks for posting that one.

                      This list has also been fun to read. The stirring of the buffalo chips has me wondering... Mmm...

                      A few more reasons:

                      To wack at that charcoal bag to make sure theres no gartner snakes in there when I reach in to get charcoal out. There were four snakes in there last year.

                      To reach up and unhook a curtian rod when my arm was to short to reach that corner.

                      To haul a heavy dutch oven between two people.

                      To push that last suitcase off the vans lugage rack into waiting hands on the other side.

                      To push the boat away from the dock when heading out to go fishing.

                      A trucker friend said he'd use his walking stick to thunk the tires of his truck before heading out. He takes his walking stick with him on his hauls. He may go hiking or walking the town he's stuck in for a few days and likes to have his stick with him.

                      I used my stick yesterday while walking in the woods at my mothers. I was wacking trees to see if any of them were hollow sounding. ( I need my ears checked..they all sounded hollow). LOL

                      To hold up so the auctioneer can see your bidding?


                      • #26
                        Re: 101 reasons why..

                        I thoroughly enjoyed the two stories about Albert & his stick. I copied it & sent it to my friends.